A work in progress. This version is perhaps too stripped-down. I don’t think it’s brought out the drama of the 含 properly. But I wanted to get the orioles out of the first line. It’s a very distracting word in English, whereas the Chinese word is not. It’s a very ordinary-looking and -sounding bird name. Seeing as the exciting part of this poem is in line 3, I don’t think it helps to have the reader’s attention being caught by the exotic birds in line 1. We want to build to line 3.
Poem
Translation
Translator's Details
Phil Hand
Translated Text
Two Golden Orioles
Golden birds, calling
A willow tree, jade-green
Line of egrets, rising
White on powder-blue
Western hills in my window
With centuries of snow
At my door, boats from Shanghai
A thousand miles away
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