Exactly ten years ago, I...
Poem
Translation
Translator's Details
Phil Hand
Translated Text
Two Golden Orioles
Golden birds, calling
A willow tree, jade-green
Line of egrets, rising
White on powder-blue
Western hills in my window
With centuries of snow
At my door, boats from Shanghai
A thousand miles away
Translator's Comments
A work in progress. This version is perhaps too stripped-down. I don’t think it’s brought out the drama of the 含 properly. But I wanted to get the orioles out of the first line. It’s a very distracting word in English, whereas the Chinese word is not. It’s a very ordinary-looking and -sounding bird name. Seeing as the exciting part of this poem is in line 3, I don’t think it helps to have the reader’s attention being caught by the exotic birds in line 1. We want to build to line 3.
Responses