[Michael]

Interesting post, Phil. I agree that it is worth trying to convey something of the rhythm of the original Chinese texts when translating shi poems, and that doing so entails recognizing that the verses in these poems are divided into hemistichs. I have never understood why David Hinton introduces wild enjambments into his versions. (Then again, Robert Lowell took analogous liberties in his translations from European poetry, sometimes to good effect; I’m thinking in particular of the final section of Near the Ocean, where he does wonderful things with the Spanish poets Quevedo and Góngora, among others.)

What do you think about using alliteration to help convey the highly-patterned nature of shi poetry? For example, one might translate the first couplet of Du Fu’s 春望 as follows:

国破山河在

城春草木深

the state shattered hills and rivers still here

city spring trees and grasses grown thick

I like the idea of using rhyme (or at least slant rhyme) where it can be achieved without forcing things, but for me the key goal it to try to convey, by whatever means are available, that what is being translated is a poem.